WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
