My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
