and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
