I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
