You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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