I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
