yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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