I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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