Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
