I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Plan B is the new Plan A
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
