Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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