if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
