I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
