Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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