he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i drank out of a bidet.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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