Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
