I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Text me some of your sweat
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
