I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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