Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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