My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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