I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
