matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
