Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
