i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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