I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
