I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
