So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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