Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
