lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
