It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Damn victory sex feels great
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
