just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize