4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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