Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
this is an emotional support booty call
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
