Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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