you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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