No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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