Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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