Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
