Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
