I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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