He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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