I'm so fucking centered right now
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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