At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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