he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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