Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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