Girls should come with a carfax report
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
