fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How naked do you want me to be?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
