Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
