take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
