I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
