Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
