Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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