No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
