i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
